did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
