Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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