Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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