you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
