Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
