i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
