i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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