The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
