dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
