with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
