i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
