Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
