Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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