So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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