what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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