My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
farters have to be the big spoon...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
