Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
