I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
