i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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