your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
