He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
