somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
