Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
