what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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