i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
