my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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