bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
