I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
