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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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