I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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