I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
