my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
