I cockslap morals
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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