i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize