Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
