Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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