My friends, they love my intelligence
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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