i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
