We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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