No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize