how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
