this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
