Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
