I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I faked an abortion last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
