His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
