How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
