careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
