I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
