I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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