I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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