Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
