Need sex. Gaining weight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
