I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
