my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
