New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
