Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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