32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
