proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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