my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
