Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to sanitize my soul.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
