I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
