his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
