i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just pee around me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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