Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
