Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
