You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
