I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You dont lie about slip and slides
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
