i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
