So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
