KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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