I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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