it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
