piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
