i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
soo... how was my night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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